im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
