I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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