pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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