Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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