but the lizard people decide everything anyway
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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