the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it glows. i had to have it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
