I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
