Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
