This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
