Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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