I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
is it fun? or sober?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
