Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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