yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
