I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
