He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
