four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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