theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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