I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
