help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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