I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize