I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
