Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
