Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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