What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I deserve this hangover.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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