i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
