I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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