No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
