thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
