New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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