note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
