You can't special order awesome
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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