you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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