She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
