I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i will never coherently bang her
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
