Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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