GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
