Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
