Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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