if i can run in heels then i can drive
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We are two peas in an std pod
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
