i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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