I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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