we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
