the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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