he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
