it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
