i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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