I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
