R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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