don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
