I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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