I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
