brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
