BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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