i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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