i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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