did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I could make wine with my vomit
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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