i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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