Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
