Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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