Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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